News With a Fuse

April 28, 2009


A trend catching on is facials made from nightingale bird droppings. It gives a whole new meaning to the term shitfaced...

It originated in Japan, so if you can't afford to get shitfaced with a facial, you can order a can from Japan and get shitcanned:

Who comes up with this shit? Literally! Was an aging Geisha sitting in her garden sipping green tea, enjoying the mountain breeze and had the thought, "The skin on the but of that nightingale is so soft, so supple, so firm. I wonder..."

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April 09, 2009

Britney's Come Back Tour

In Vancouver Weds night, Britney Spears pulled the plug on her sold-out Circus concert 15 minutes and three songs into her performance – departing the stage and leaving the audience in the dark for more than half an hour.

Now I know why this was called her come back tour, because the crowd was yelling, "COME BACK! You only sang 3 songs!"

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February 14, 2009

Economic Cry Sis

Obama announces top pics to help lead during our Nation's Economic Crisis. Trusted advisors or merely the blind leading the blind? The Chief Performance Officer didn't pay taxes, new treasury dude, apparently took him 3 years to sort his out, and Tom Daschle, not so much.

I used to never be able to figure it out. Republicans are always blabbing to lower taxes and democrats always want better gov. programs. Now I understand why, Democrats don't care about lower taxes, they don't even pay taxes!

December 15, 2008

Lame Duck Ducks

For years we've wanted to give Bush the boot, finally someone did:

I say kudos to that guy, whose name we can't pronounce, for throwing things we wouldn't have thought to. He could have thrown something totally unoriginal at Bush like eggs, pies, tomatoes or a spitball. But no, he went for the shoe. That's right. Because his culture says it's more offensive.

The only downside is that when you throw shoes at a world leader, it's easy for the secret service to figure out who did it... "Get that shoeless guy!"

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April 30, 2008

Minor Photos

This image of Miley Cyrus in Vanity Fair sparked an international news story. The Annie Leibowitz photograph of the 15-year-old Hannah Montana star was deemed offensive by many, when it was supposed to be artistic.

77% of People magazine readers thought it was "inappropriate for a 15-year-old." The ironic reality is that magazines are filled with ads of half-naked or completely naked girls under the age of 18. That sexy leg in a perfume ad - 14 year old. The flawless back skin for a lotion ad – 15 years old. The average age of a magazine model is 17, which means most models are washed up by 25 and long gone are their modeling days by 30. So, sadly Miley Cyrus is just one of many minors showing some skin to sell a product. In this case it was magazines.

I personally think Miley Cyrus shouldn’t worry about being exposed, but over-exposed! She’s everywhere I turn around.

I do believe there is an appropriate age that a parent should make a child wait to start getting photographed without clothes, but a kid is never too young to get photographed without her unibrow... Lordy Lordes! Madonna, get that adorable little girl a wax job!!!!

Sure, some parents make girls wait until they are 10 years-old to get their ears pierced, or 15 to start highlighting their hair. Whatever. I get it. I do.

I don't get why a mother worth millions won't shell out the the $10 that it would cost to remove the lawless patch of hair above her daughter's nose. Thread it, pluck it, wax it, I don't care how, but remove it.

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April 25, 2008

Stop Gunning Down and Man Up

In an anti-terrorism measure, Police quipped with submachine guns, body armor and bomb sniffing dogs, will start patrolling subway trains and stations.

I like to think I have a creative mind, but I can't come up with a scenario where cops fire machine guns in a subway and innocent bystanders aren't being shot. Really there's no scenario where automatic weapons on a subway is a good idea. Commuters, machine guns, throw in a dog, in a tightly packed moving train is really just a recipe for disaster.

The only appropriate reason for machine guns in the subway is if it was shut down to commuters and the police are addressing a rodent problem. Then automatic weapons would be perfectly acceptable.

The price tag for the genius operation - $151 million. In a city where public schools are short on books and desks, this really disturbs me.

There comes a point where you have to stop and wonder if our government is really fighting terror, or simply creating it.

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April 16, 2008

Climate Changes, So Does Bush

President Bush changes his stance on climate change and now acknowledges that global warming is happening. Noteworthy because this officially makes him the LAST person on the planet to know about the planet.

Even the Pope is bashing Bush for too little, too late! And by 'The Pope' I, of course, mean Carl Pope, Executive Director of the Sierra Club:

"The president is throwing a Hail Mary to polluters in a last-ditch effort to stave off any meaningful action on global warming. Under the president's plan we'll need a real miracle to save us from global warming," said Carl Pope, executive director of the Sierra Club.

Bush is like the airline representative that shows up after a crash to say something comforting like, "Oops, uh, sorry about that...can I offer you some complimentary peanuts?"

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